Growth, Life Lessons, Wifehood

The Break Up…

March 26, 2018
“Hunnie, I’m home!!” Hot meal sizzling on the stove as the scent of coconut and lavender circulates the two bedroom apartment from underneath the master bedroom door. Fresh vertical lines kiss the carpet, while the sound of a streaming river rush from the bathroom door. “Hunnie, welcome home! Relax, the shower is waiting for you.” She gracefully plates the food as a smirk runs across her face. “He’s gonna love this” she whispers to herself.

Today is the day- the day her fantasy will knock at the door of reality and shake hands with the truth of marriage. Name changed and a pass to be free, she is ready to follow the steps of that recurring fantasy. Now if she could only go to sleep and grab the instructions. This dream had accompanied her for years but never left any remnants of instructions behind.

Faced with truth, she still daydreams about dancing with her longtime companion. She’s committed to this dream and waits for it to show up on her doorstep. Observing her posture, he’s confused and begins to question everything. Her body is physically there, but her thoughts seem far off.

The Reveal
She was me and I was her. We were one and our oneness hindered my ability to become one with my husband. So committed to a dream, I put a major strain on my marriage within months after saying “I do”. I couldn’t understand why my husband seemed so different. So tense and unhappy. I was a good wife according to my dream. But that was the problem, I was desiring credit for my intentions and not my actions. Ever find yourself meaning well…. but never really doing well?

The Breakup
Time is what I was requesting, and time is what I received. And along with that time came a harsh reality. I was no longer going to be able to flirt with my fancy of being a good wife. I was going to have to become a good wife if I wanted a good marriage. So I had to break up with the idea of what being a wife to Marquis should be and give him the opportunity to train me (yes train, as in teaching me how to be his wife). I quickly found out that my fancy was a false idea of what my husband actually desired. For example, cooking is greatly appreciated, but it is not required that I cook every night. I was waiting for that desire and excitement of cooking every night to come, but it never did (and still hasn’t). When I realized that my husband wasn’t holding me to that standard, I knew the break up with that fancy was final. I seriously had been spending time waiting to be someone who God and my husband never expected me to be. While this example may not seem like much, it was very liberating. It literally opened the pathway for me to be myself in our marriage.

Breaking up with my fancy wasn’t easy, and every once in awhile she tries to pop in and check on me. But I’ve made a decision to allow my husband and Holy Spirit to guide me into being a wife.

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

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