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Growth

Growth, Life Lessons, Wifehood

The Break Up…

March 26, 2018
“Hunnie, I’m home!!” Hot meal sizzling on the stove as the scent of coconut and lavender circulates the two bedroom apartment from underneath the master bedroom door. Fresh vertical lines kiss the carpet, while the sound of a streaming river rush from the bathroom door. “Hunnie, welcome home! Relax, the shower is waiting for you.” She gracefully plates the food as a smirk runs across her face. “He’s gonna love this” she whispers to herself.

Today is the day- the day her fantasy will knock at the door of reality and shake hands with the truth of marriage. Name changed and a pass to be free, she is ready to follow the steps of that recurring fantasy. Now if she could only go to sleep and grab the instructions. This dream had accompanied her for years but never left any remnants of instructions behind.

Faced with truth, she still daydreams about dancing with her longtime companion. She’s committed to this dream and waits for it to show up on her doorstep. Observing her posture, he’s confused and begins to question everything. Her body is physically there, but her thoughts seem far off.

The Reveal
She was me and I was her. We were one and our oneness hindered my ability to become one with my husband. So committed to a dream, I put a major strain on my marriage within months after saying “I do”. I couldn’t understand why my husband seemed so different. So tense and unhappy. I was a good wife according to my dream. But that was the problem, I was desiring credit for my intentions and not my actions. Ever find yourself meaning well…. but never really doing well?

The Breakup
Time is what I was requesting, and time is what I received. And along with that time came a harsh reality. I was no longer going to be able to flirt with my fancy of being a good wife. I was going to have to become a good wife if I wanted a good marriage. So I had to break up with the idea of what being a wife to Marquis should be and give him the opportunity to train me (yes train, as in teaching me how to be his wife). I quickly found out that my fancy was a false idea of what my husband actually desired. For example, cooking is greatly appreciated, but it is not required that I cook every night. I was waiting for that desire and excitement of cooking every night to come, but it never did (and still hasn’t). When I realized that my husband wasn’t holding me to that standard, I knew the break up with that fancy was final. I seriously had been spending time waiting to be someone who God and my husband never expected me to be. While this example may not seem like much, it was very liberating. It literally opened the pathway for me to be myself in our marriage.

Breaking up with my fancy wasn’t easy, and every once in awhile she tries to pop in and check on me. But I’ve made a decision to allow my husband and Holy Spirit to guide me into being a wife.

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

Growth, Life Lessons

Wild Mushrooms 

August 8, 2017


Recently I’ve been intentional about offering to assist my husband with cutting the lawn. I figured getting behide the mower would be beneficial in a few ways:

1. I would gain some points with my hubby (teamwork)

2. It would serve as a mini workout (guaranteed to sweat)

3. Emi would think I was cool (gotta win points with the daddy’s girl)

So the other day as Marquis was preparing to cut the lawn, I rushed outside to offer my help. At this point I think I’m a pro (lol, nah seriously). As I began to push the mower Holy Spirit instructed me to pay close attention. I quickly noticed that there were wild mushrooms in the grass.

I never notice them before, so I began to ask Holy Spirit what was so significant about the mushrooms. God immediately began to minister to me. The reason I hadn’t notice the mushrooms before is because my motive was gaining points; not on making sure I produced quality work. And bam the reality of that truth hit me like a ton of bricks.

See cutting the lawn that day was an experience I will never forget. I noticed my husband was pleased with my help (teamwork). Sweat definitely poured down my back (exercise) as Emi cheered me on, ” Go mommy, Go” (my kid thinks I’m cool)! But I believe I produce quality work not only on the lawn at my house but also the lawn of my heart. 

It’s easy to get caught up in just “doing” things and not paying attention to what you are doing. No longer will I allow myself to focus on the benefits of my serving but rather the quality of my service.

Key take away: The quality of my work reflects the quality of my heart. 

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

Growth, Life Lessons

Invisible Life

July 15, 2017

It seems to me that society has been handing out these guidelines for success and somehow I’ve misplaced my copy. Not to worry my friend, I’m no longer interested in

following it’s basic guidelines anyway. It’s disheartening  to think about the years I’ve spent trying to fit the mold of success. Talking about bondage! 

 Recently I made a conscious discussion to stop trying to be successful and just be successful simply because God created me to be a successful being. Once I embraced the reality of this truth I no longer spend precious moments looking for things outside or around me to feel successful. My time is best spent working from the inside out. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe appearance, correct grammar (which isn’t my strong suit), and connections all play a role in a level of success. However, they don’t determine it.

So what I perfer not wearing makeup, and I’d rather a pair of pants over a dress any day. What good am I if I dress up a “living” body yet my soul (mind, will, and emotions) are dead? What value do I truly bring to the Kingdom of God if in public my speech is polished, yet my internal thinking is corrupt and muddy? 

 

The moment I chose Jesus, I received success. I’m not sure about you , but I often have to remind my flesh that we’ve chosen Jesus over everything. The appetite for people to know me is simply my flesh trying to run the show. Maybe one day people will recognize the things that God has gifted me to do and maybe they won’t. Maybe I will spend my life invisible. I’m okay with that possibility. In fact I embrace it because if I can pour out my life before people and all they see is Jesus, than I would’ve done exactly what the father has called me to do. I’m not here to build my Kingdom but to build HIS. My success is only a by-product of an obedient heart.  

Are you considering tossing those guidelines? Do you want to be free? Ahhh my friend it’s simple. Just BE what you were created to be. Success has Jesus’ name written all over it. Embrace HIM and success will embrace you. And this is the freedom that you and I have been waiting for. Receive the Freedom of being YOU!

Signed, 

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

Growth, Life Lessons, Motherhood

She’s Watching 

July 3, 2017

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Growing up I was not a huge fan of the radio. Why? Because the host always seemed to talk too much. However recently I’ve noticed that K-Love is programmed on multiple channels in my car (thanks boo). Now I actually enjoy listening to the host talk and hearing all the testimonies and stories that are shared by fellow listeners both near and far. 

But my absolute favorite thing about K-love is the atmosphere it helps set in the car. I’m usually singing, laughing, or crying (yes, all this while driving). However there is nothing like looking up in my rear view mirror and seeing my two year old listening intensely or actually singing along. The vision of her hands lefted and eyes closed singing ” Good Good Father” wrecks me everytime.

Now I’m not sure if she is mimicking me when she lifts her hands or says, “Thank you Jesus”;  but what I do know is that she’s experiencing the presence of God as she’s watching. My prayer is that she learning and embracing:

1. There’s freedom in HIS presence

2. We NEVER have to leave HIS presence

3. There’s beauty in the “ugly” cry (really, try it!)

4. Praise and worship is fuel to the soul

Thanks K-love for helping me usher my little actress beyond the curtains right into the presence of our Good Good Father. Thank you Emi for watching (raw accountability). Mommy will stay at the feet of Jesus. Lastly, Phenix wake up (…or stop crying lol), and watch your sister, as she watches me, we’re having so much fun in HIS presence. Join us! 

Signed, 

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.