That moment you realize that boldness isn’t always cute, what will you do?
For years I was proud of being BOLD and I hated when people felt like I had a nasty attitude.
I’ve learned that self-control should always be a companion to boldness. Yes, God has given me freedom, but that freedom should always breed life. I began to notice that my boldness wasn’t always producing life, in fact it was killing some things around me.
I’ve made a conscious decision to employ self-control. It does not hold me back, instead it keeps my heart surrendered to God. It’s a reminder that my life is not my own, and I do not have the right to say what I want to say – how I want to say it. It empowers me to consider my thoughts and take an accurate assessment of my feelings before expressing them. Employing self-control quite frankly has single handedly improved my relationships (still have room to grow) with others. In fact I would dare to say that it has caused the love meter in my marriage to increase.
So while I am a huge supporter of being BOLD, I am equally inclined to encourage others to partner boldness with self-control. The amount of victories I have experienced since making this adjustment has been unbelievable. Please don’t think this was an easy process. It took much intentionality and focus. Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:
1. Considere the direction of your boldness. Is it about you believing in yourself or proving yourself?
Believing in yourself is internally connected to believing what God has placed inside of you. Being confident in that and not allowing anything or anyone to take away that belief (which in fact really is a knowing).
Proving yourself often requires you to misuse the energy required for knowing who you are and waste it trying to convince others (and yourself at times) who you are. Which in turn creates a hostile environment for the true you to flourish.
2. Boldness is greater than but not equal to a nasty attitude
For some reason I thought being bold required me to be firm and loud. As if raising my voice would help me get my point across. Yeah maybe I was heard, but it didn’t guantee I would be understood.
I had to decide what was most important- to be heard or to be understood. In my boldness I typically believe I am right and justified, which automatically makes the other individual(s) wrong and unjustified. But if I really think I am right and my ultimate goal is to “help” the other person, my approach has to be one of teaching and not judgement.
Dropping my desire to be right has cleansed my attitude, and now my boldness requires me to consider the individual(s) on the other end of it.
3. Is your boldness teachable?
No matter how grounded I am in what I know about God, myself, and others-it is my desire to remain soft enough to learn new things and to remain open to greater understanding. I never want my own attitude to be the enemy to increase in my life or others’ lives.
God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend