Growth, Life Lessons, Wifehood

The Break Up…

March 26, 2018
“Hunnie, I’m home!!” Hot meal sizzling on the stove as the scent of coconut and lavender circulates the two bedroom apartment from underneath the master bedroom door. Fresh vertical lines kiss the carpet, while the sound of a streaming river rush from the bathroom door. “Hunnie, welcome home! Relax, the shower is waiting for you.” She gracefully plates the food as a smirk runs across her face. “He’s gonna love this” she whispers to herself.

Today is the day- the day her fantasy will knock at the door of reality and shake hands with the truth of marriage. Name changed and a pass to be free, she is ready to follow the steps of that recurring fantasy. Now if she could only go to sleep and grab the instructions. This dream had accompanied her for years but never left any remnants of instructions behind.

Faced with truth, she still daydreams about dancing with her longtime companion. She’s committed to this dream and waits for it to show up on her doorstep. Observing her posture, he’s confused and begins to question everything. Her body is physically there, but her thoughts seem far off.

The Reveal
She was me and I was her. We were one and our oneness hindered my ability to become one with my husband. So committed to a dream, I put a major strain on my marriage within months after saying “I do”. I couldn’t understand why my husband seemed so different. So tense and unhappy. I was a good wife according to my dream. But that was the problem, I was desiring credit for my intentions and not my actions. Ever find yourself meaning well…. but never really doing well?

The Breakup
Time is what I was requesting, and time is what I received. And along with that time came a harsh reality. I was no longer going to be able to flirt with my fancy of being a good wife. I was going to have to become a good wife if I wanted a good marriage. So I had to break up with the idea of what being a wife to Marquis should be and give him the opportunity to train me (yes train, as in teaching me how to be his wife). I quickly found out that my fancy was a false idea of what my husband actually desired. For example, cooking is greatly appreciated, but it is not required that I cook every night. I was waiting for that desire and excitement of cooking every night to come, but it never did (and still hasn’t). When I realized that my husband wasn’t holding me to that standard, I knew the break up with that fancy was final. I seriously had been spending time waiting to be someone who God and my husband never expected me to be. While this example may not seem like much, it was very liberating. It literally opened the pathway for me to be myself in our marriage.

Breaking up with my fancy wasn’t easy, and every once in awhile she tries to pop in and check on me. But I’ve made a decision to allow my husband and Holy Spirit to guide me into being a wife.

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

Value Her

Introducing BernĀ 

January 14, 2018

On July 29, 2016 my family had to process a reality we were not ready for. Our beloved Bern (maternal grandmother) passed. Bern spent the last few months of her life in the hospital and while the process seemed long… I didn’t expect it to end the way it did. Talking about believing God to the end!

While many of you never had the opportunity to meet Bern, I felt it appropriate to introduce “my version” of her to you. As a child spending time with Bern meant more than just going to see my grandmother… because she was also my friend. I could always count on receiving the raw, uncut truth from her (whether I wanted it or not).

Bern enjoyed learning, and she would never engage in any conversation on a topic in which she was not knowledgeable. She was a carrier of truth, a giver to the end, and a distributor of love. While embracing the reality that she is no longer occupying the earth with us physically… I’ve decided to sharpen my life with her life.

So while introducing Bern to you guys…I’m also introducing myself to some and reintroducing myself to others. May my life be an example for the world to see the glory of God. May I shine bright with the truth of who God is. I promise to give like I’ve never given before… for in HIM I’ll never run dry, and I pledge my commitment to distributing unconditional love to all.

I’m honored to have spent thirty years with Bern, and I’m forever grateful for the many deposits she made in my life. I look forward to being what she was and most importantly what God has created me to be.

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother.

Her “Angel”. Your friend.

Life Lessons, Motherhood

Dear Emi Grace

November 1, 2017


This is a letter I wrote to Emi almost a year ago. I figured it would be cool to share with you guys. Hope you enjoy!

Good Morning Emi:

You just walked out of the room with stinky breath, wild hair, and a wet pull up, but I’m so excited you’re awake. I know in just a short amount of time I’ll be yelling, ” Emi sit down! Emi stop! And Emi take nap!”. I’ll soon be stopping you from counting 2….5…8 (btw it’s 1…2…3 baby) right before you attempt to jump on your sister, but right now in this moment I just wanted to capture the wave of emotions I’m feeling. In a few days you will be two years old, and in honor of your birthday there are a few things I want to tell you. 

Two year old Emi:

1) You’re beautiful, smart, and kind

2) These meltdowns are temporary 


Five year old Emi:

1) You’re beautiful, smart, and kind

2) These meltdowns are temporary 

3) We’re training you to lead. All leaders must    learn to follow.

4) Your supply is nesscessary 

5) I value you

Eight year old Emi:

1) You’re beautiful, smart, and kind

2) These meltdowns are temporary

3) We’re training you to lead. All leaders must learn to follow.

4) Your supply is nesscessary

5) I value you

6) Enjoy being a kid, seriously don’t rush to be an adult.

7) Differences makes relationships fun

8) Remain teachable 

I’m sure you’ve notice that mommy repeated things from year to year. That wasn’t by mistake. No matter how old you are I believe you can be reminded of these things. At (2+5+8=) fifteen you will need to remember that you are beautiful, smart, and kind. Everything around you will be grabbing at your identity. May you stay grounded in the truth of what God has said about you.

Your emotions are a gift from God, but they don’t replace Him. Emotions are usually temporary and if you take the time to let them settle- truth will separate itself like oil from water. 

Baby girl, the essenence of true leadership  rests in your ability to remain humble and follow. There will be moments in life you will lead and others moments where you will be required to follow. Leadership isn’t about control- rather it holds you to a higher standard of living. It requires you to know what you are doing in order to lead others to a safe destination. 

Your days may be rough, and you just might not feel sufficient in the world around you. On these days quiet the voices in your head. Pray and remember you are indeed necessary. This world needs you more than it knows. 

I truly thank God for the opportunity to be your mother. You are everything I thought I needed and more. You are a constant reminder of God’s best for me. I’ll value you at two, five, eight, fifteen, and for eternity. 

I’m telling you, slow down as much as possible. Embrace the season of adolescence. One day it’s here and the next it is gone. You don’t get to go back and forward between being a child, young adult, and adult my dear. Please don’t rush into adulthood prematurely. Remember your present season is preparing you for the next. Build today what you want tomorrow and you will be ready for adulthood soon enough.

Please, please, please allow people room to be different and unique. Everyone will not think like you, act like you, or even agree with you. That’s okay, really! Be able to identify differences and learn to deal with people accordingly. You may even have a little fun while you’re at it.

Lastly (for now), never stop learning.  You won’t have enough time on this side of earth to know everything. Remain teachable. Allow knowledge to inform you and revelation to instruct you. 

I love you Emi Grace Brantley! 

Signed,

God’s daughter. His wife. Their mother. Your friend.

Uncategorized

DAY 5: SOLID FOUNDATION

October 7, 2017

There’s no denying that Hurricane Katrina came through Louisiana and forever changed the lives of many people. Many lives were lost, families were separated, and homes destroyed. I vividly remember my family traveling to Baton Rouge to take shelter with us. Originally they wanted to stay and ride out the storm, but at the last minute decided it was best to leave due the predicted damage that was to come. 

My parents, two brothers, and I lived in a three bedroom apartment, so you could image how cramped we were when six additional people joined us. It was an experience I will never forget. Gathered in our cozy living room, we watched the news day in and day out. The agony was breathtaking. I recall googling an aerial view of my grandparents’ neighborhood and we could literally see the house under water. Sixty plus years of home investments and memories gone. 

Many are aware that Hurricane Katrina came with tons of power, but it wasn’t her power alone that brought this tremendous amount of damage. It was the storm surge and levee failure that rocked the foundation of New Orleans. Water flooded into the city for days, and residents had to wait weeks before they could return to their homes. Once families could return, the restoration process could begin. The foundation of each home had to be checked for substainabilty, and some families opted to lift their homes. 

Like these families who experienced great loss, we too can feel this level of pain in relationships. Having spent time investing into a relationship only to have it flooded with disappointment. Yesterday, we discussed restoring ourselves back to trusting God. Only God can heal and protect us in and through relationships. 

Today, we will do a foundation check. Ask yourself the questions below:

  1. Have I been depending on my own strength in relationships? 
  2. Have I been depending on people to make me happy? 

My friend, Holy Spirit is our constant companion and he can and will direct us in how to conduct ourselves in relationships. With his help we have the ability to set guard rails around our relationships. These guard rails are put in place to help us recognize when our trust is being shifted from God onto people. 

If your foundation has been damaged or was never built correctly from the beginning, I have great news! it’s not too late to get things corrected. Your foundation may have been built on the right foundation, but the flood of disappointment has caused weakness. You may have never built your foundation on God, instead you built it through your own strengths and abilities. Whatever the case, it’s time to allow God to restore you.

Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock.

Matthew 7:24-25

Declaration: Father, I refuse to do anything without you. Your word promises that If I build on you (your word) I will not fall. You provide stability in all things. When things are uncomfortable I will remain in you. I will not allow my emotions to dictate how I respond to disappointment. Thank you for restoration Father. 

Today’s Focus:

  • Get familiar with the above scripture. Write it down and repeat it. This will help it get into your heart.
  • Invite God in to restore you.

    Stay Connected.

    Sign up with your email address to receive news, blog updates, and special offers.

    You have Successfully Subscribed!